


If Only

by Amalthea_Oberon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Feels, One Shot, Petunia's Perspective, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 13:20:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11403258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amalthea_Oberon/pseuds/Amalthea_Oberon





	If Only

Petunia Dursley opened the door on November 1, 1981 to find the milkman holding a child with electric green eyes.

“Found him on the front porch,” he said, handing her a letter “and he’s addressed to you.”

The milk was left on the porch, and so was the blanket, child, and innocent worker.

“Vernon!” The door was slammed and the overly doting parents ignored Dudley for the first and last time in his life.

Five minutes later the bell rang. Petunia got the door. Harry lay beside the milk, his green eyes full of curiosity and his stomach entirely empty.

There was nothing else to do. “Make a bottle, Vernon. I’m going to try to find him somewhere else. Anywhere else. Today. I can’t take care of both of them and I don’t want  _ their _ kind in this house.”

She made one unsuccessful phone call after another. Every single one ended in a disaster. Once, a judgemental and stirn looking cat got in through the kitchen window and sat on her freshly washed kitchen counter right as she picked up the receiver. It refused to move for an hour. She washed the counter five times after that.

By the end of the day, she was a total mess. Her hair was disheveled, her dress wrinkled, and the carpet had gone entirely unvacuumed and the pillows unfluffed.

Two men in odd clothing knocked on her door. “He has to stay. He’ll die or be killed if he doesn’t,” said one. “He’s under our protection,” said the other.

“Then why did you let my sister die? Wouldn’t  _ that _ have been the best way to protect him?” She slammed the door and cried for the first time.  _ If only _ she thought, and not for the last time.

Petunia buried her own sister. No one came.  _ If only _ she thought as she left. She stopped and looked back. A ragged looking man cried over Lily and James’ grave. She didn’t recognize him but he kind of reminded her of a boy from Lily’s school. But he looked much too old to be how old Lily is...was...should have been…

Lily had always been kind to everyone. Especially people like this man.

For a moment, Petunia considered turning back and inviting the man for tea. But he vanished before she could take a step.

Harry grew up. He began to run. Dudley was clumsily left behind. Harry would laugh at the bubbles Petunia blew for Dudley. His laugh would turn them into odd shapes that darted around in a way bubbles weren’t supposed to. They turned her bushes pink where they popped against the leaves.  _ If only  _ she thought in exasperation.

Harry asked her how his parents had died. She had never kept it a secret that she was his aunt but she never told him that they were dead. But somehow he knew.

“A car crash” she lied. She turned away and quickly wiped her eyes and stirred the stew.  _ If only _ .

Harry ended up in all sorts of unexplainable situations but got good marks. Dudley caused all sorts of bad situations and got bad marks. “ _ If only _ ” she said and spoiled Dudley because he reminded her of herself - always second best to Lily.

Harry got an owl. He was going to  _ their _ school and was taken by a giant to go shopping. He left on the train, Vernon laughing all the way home. She thought about his green eyes and her green eyes and how she never got to go. “ _ If only _ ” she muttered.

He came back each year with stories. A stone, a chamber, a prisoner, a tournament, an order, a pensive (whatever that was). He told stories about how he almost died and how others had been killed by the same man who killed his own parents. He was supposed to be dead.  _ If only _ she fumed.

He watched them pack. “You’re not a waste of space,” Dudley said. Petunia simply watched. She had never been kind to Lily’s son, had never loved him, had lied to him, had treated him like he was second best. She had squandered her chance. His green eyes, just as bright, just as curious, just as kind as that first day. So like Lily’s. She hugged him and walked away. He stood on the doorstep and watched as they disappeared.  _ If only _ she cried.

It was the last time she let an ‘if only’ pass her by.

Years later she caught a train to visit Dudley and his new wife and their daughter. She looked out the window at bright green eyes and red hair.

“Lily!” he called. Petunia smiled. Harry saw her. She waved. Her train departed the station as another started a magical journey for a girl named Lily with red hair and green eyes.


End file.
